In preparing for this talk I had the opportunity to watch two or three "Mormon messages" videos that the church has put out for people to see.
One caught my attention, is said that of "all titles of respect and honor, Deity has asked us to address him as Father". That is so overwhelming. By divine appointment, one day you finds yourself with a child (or many) on your arms. They are your responsibility. In great part, their future depends on you. They trust you, and expect you to just do your job and keep them safe and take care of. They grow, and even though they don't always understand why, you have to lead them on a safe path.
The catch is children are all different, and don't come with a "User's manual". One of these days as I was coming home, I had a bit of an unusual situation. My children are generally good children. But this time one of them had a bit of a rough attitude. On the one hand I wanted to teach my child to be obedient -- on the other hand I did not want my child to suffer too much in the process of learning. Without giving too much detail, it suffices to say that this was a humbling experience that required me to find comfort in prayer. I imagine there are many other fathers who have been in similar situations. I take some comfort in knowing that Heavenly Father has to deal with me, an imperfect child -- so He for sure knows how to help me out.
The first sentence in the Book of Mormon, where Nephi introduces himself says "I, Nephi, having been aborn of bgoodly cparents...". In the first few verses of the book of Mormon we learn about Lehi, who is struggling to:
1. Convince his wife and children that they have to leave their comfortable life in Jerusalem because he had a vision.
2. Physically move his family across the wilderness -- and he did not have a U-Haul. having had to move homes a little less than a year ago, let me tell you that it is tough. At least I had help from other members, Lehi did not have such help.
3. Raise two stubborn children.
4. Having to comfort his wife who is concerned her children are lost, or that they will themselves perish in the wilderness.
Lehi is only one of those good parents that we learn about in the scriptures, but he was definitely a good man who was entrusted to lead his people to a safe place. And he is only one example of a great father in the scriptures. There are many more lessons on parenthood in the scriptures, to name a few:
1. The obedience of Abraham and the love he had for Isaac.
2. The love of Jacob for his children, especially Joseph.
3. The love Alma for his son, and the faith Alma had in his son.
4. We learn of Enos being influenced by the words of his father.
5. The love and mercy a father has for his children is shown in the parable of the prodigal son.
6. We learn of the love of Heavenly Father for His Son, and for each of us.
Today is father's day, and I find it a very humbling experience to talk about being a father, our roles and responsibilities -- because I am young and I still have a lot to learn.
Originally I thought I would provide fathers and future parents a list of responsibilities and go over each of them with perhaps a few scriptural references... but then I figured we would all get out of here realizing where we fall short and perhaps we would be a bit overwhelmed... and while that may be good for us, it is not kind thing to do to father's on Father's day. :-)
Instead I figured I will be a bit more positive and give you the list of 5 things that I appreciate in my own earthly father or other fathers that I have seen. I, like Nephi was born with a good father. So, this talk is going to be a bit more personal than usual. I hope that's ok with you. My goal is not to boast, but those experiences are the closest ones to me.
So here we go, these are in no particular order.
1. A genuine desire in me and my interests.
When I was a teenager I liked to program computers. The task at time would be pretty technical and not too many people would understand it. While it would have been easy to dismiss my interest/talents as something too complicated to worry about it or not easily displayed (It is not a hobby like singing that is publicly displayed) -- my father always showed a genuine interest in what I was doing. He would find out what I was doing, and then he would ask additional questions so that he could have a general idea of the progress I was doing... and even if he did not understand every little detail, he would definitely try, and share my joys.
I recently saw this pattern when I was talking with my dad over Skype and Andres was building some Lego figures in front of the camera while I was talking with him. Andres left after a few minutes. When I was about to say "goodbye" to my dad -- he said "I noticed Andres built some thing, maybe he wanted to show it to me". I called my son and they had a good conversation on the different Lego spinjitzus...
My dad did not notice, but he re-taught me by example this very important lesson, to have a genuine desire in our children and their interests.
2. Time
One time for Christmas I got as a present a wooden tennis racket. Materially, it was not a very expensive gift, it was really the most basic racket -- That said, it has been one of the best presents I have ever received to date. The reason is that my dad then would take me to play Tennis on the weekends. The thing is neither of us knew how to play Tennis -- but we just kind of learned as we went a long. It was a great chance to spend time with my dad.
But time is not always just about recreational time.... my dad also took the time to check my homework every night. I know he was tired, and the process usually took between 30 minutes and an hour.
“Some of our most important choices concern family activities. Many breadwinners worry that their occupations leave too little time for their families. There is no easy formula for that contest of priorities. However, I have never known of a man who looked back on his working life and said, ‘I just didn’t spend enough time with my job’ ” (Dallin H. Oaks “Good, Better, Best”).
3. An example of hard work and dedication.
My grandfather (my mom's dad) was a farmer. He would wake up some time around 4 o'clock in the morning to milk the cows. To be honest even though he invited me many times to join him, I never actually did wake up on time to take part of the experience. I regret that. I did, however, have the chance to join him in one of his tasks once. As part of the process of clearing some land, some of his workers had removed about a truckload of roots and bushes -- they looked mostly like roots to me and loaded a pick up truck with that. I thought it was all garbage that was to be disposed. That's not what my grandpa saw. He saw a business opportunity. We spent the next 3 hours or so finding a buyer for the wood. It turns out all that "garbage" could be used as fuel to make tortillas.
This is just an example... but I am grateful for the dedication of many parents, especially those that rise early so that they can work hard. For the youth, notice that I those extra sacrifices don't start once you join the labor force after your mission -- they start in your educational preparation today.
4. Love and respect for mom.
I never met paternal grandfather because he died before I was born. I do know that he used to call my grandma his princess. I know that because my father used to instruct us on the importance of showing love for your spouse. I am grateful for a father that treated his wife (my mother) with much love and respect.
In the proclamation to the world I says:
"Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed."
5. A servant of the Lord, both inside the walls of our home as well as outside.
My dad is a convert to the church, and from the moment he got baptized he served in many callings. He took them seriously, and worked hard at them. He did not just got to meetings, he served people. I know that because whenever he could, he would take me along. I had the chance to see him minister to the poor, to the afflicted both spiritually as well as temporally. He did not do it for the praise of man, because there was no one else there looking at his work.... my dad would constantly remind us that happiness was to be found in the service of others, a lesson he learned from his father.
Most important than what he said, was what he did. I lived with my father so I knew his challenges, his strengths and weaknesses. I also knew he was a worthy priesthood holder, and that was a great blessing for our home. In Guatemala, there is quite a bit of poverty, some of it would be impactful to some of you. The thing is, I noticed how my father treated everyone with the same level of dignity. He could talk to both the "uneducated" poor laborer who lived in a shack, as well as the wealthy individual. My father was raised in very humble circumstances, so maybe that had something to do with it. Either way, I was able to see the "priesthood" in action.
Earlier, I read that parents are to preside over their families in love and righteousness, what does this mean?
This is the area where I think some of us struggle a bit more. It is our responsibility to preside in the home. It is not our wive's responsibility to get family home evening going in our homes, or to get the family together for prayer.. it is our responsibility. Sometimes our dear sisters take on some of these responsibilities because we are not rising to the bar that has been set for us.
Note that we don't preside because we are the strongest, or oldest... but in love and righteousness... how do we do this?
From Doctrine and Covenants 121:
41 No
42 By a kindness, and pure b knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the c soul without d hypocrisy, and without e guile—
43 a Reproving betimes with b sharpness, when c moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of d love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
...
46 The Holy Ghost shall be thy constant a companion, and thy scepter an unchanging scepter of b righteousness and truth; and thy c dominion shall be an everlasting dominion, and without compulsory means it shall flow unto thee forever and ever.
I am grateful for having the privilege of being a father of two wonderful children and for the trust Heavenly Father has placed in me and my wife. I am also grateful for my dad, and his example. Ultimately I am grateful for the love Heavenly Father has for each of us individually. He knows us, loves us and has a genuine interest in our eternal progression. An while definitely overwhelming, what a privilege it is to share the title of Father with our God.
I say this in the name of Jesus-Christ, Amen.
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